Finding Strength in a Life You Didn’t Choose: Thoughts from a Single Christian

August 22, 2025

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By Bob Wheatley

I never asked for singleness to last this long. If you had told me five, ten years ago that I’d still be walking this road, I probably would’ve laughed—or panicked.

I always thought marriage would come easily for me. My parents had seemed to figure things out. I am also oldest among my siblings, so I assumed I would be the first to get married and settle down.

But life has not unfolded that way. Perhaps for you, if you’re reading this, life hasn’t unfolded that way for you either.

Let me say something right at the top:

You may not have chosen this season of singleness, but it has been chosen for you.

Rewriting the Narrative

For a longtime, I thought that singleness was like the “preseason.” The tickets are the preseason, nobody is really watching the games, and everyone is just trying to get to the playoffs. It felt like my unmarried life was incomplete.

It wasn’t until I encountered a specific passage of Scripture—1 Corinthians 7—that my perspective started to change. In that New Testament letter, the apostle Paul writes:

“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am … to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 7:8, 35 ESV

Let’s be honest: those words aren’t exactly comforting at their first read. When your desire for marriage is still unmet, and you continue to feel lonely and isolated, Paul’s words of “encouragement” can almost feel dismissive.Really, Paul? Singleness is better?

How could that possibly be?

The Moment of Surrender

But then, something finally clicked for me. Maybe this season I’d been trying to escape was what God was using to shape me.

No, I wasn’t happy about being single; and yes, I still wanted to get married. But for the first time, I started asking new questions:

What if I’m not behind?

What if this isn’t a holding pattern?

What if this season truly is an advantage?

Over time, I stopped resisting the season and started receiving from it. Not perfectly. Not without struggle. But with an open heart. Here are the top three things that I’ve found on the journey:

1. Singleness gives you space for intimacy with God.

Being single means your schedule is yours. Your time is flexible. Your morning routines, your evening commitments—those moments can be filled with Scripture, prayer, worship, and quiet.

It’s not about becoming a monk or living in isolation, but you do have the opportunity for space and stillness. You are growing the roots that will sustain you later.

2. Singleness sharpens your purpose.

Without the weight of divided responsibility, you can say YES more freely when opportunities arise. Yes to serving. Yes to building. Yes to discovering who God made you to be.

The truth is, you don’t have to wait for a relationship to step into your calling. In fact, you might discover it more clearly because you are single.

3. Singleness invites you to a place of surrender.

This is the hardest part, but it is also the most fruitful. When you’re single longer than you expected, your idols get exposed. Your timelines crumble. Your trust gets tested. And that is where transformation occurs. God is not punishing you. He is preparing you. And sometimes, the greatest gift He gives is the invitation to trust Him more.

Final Thoughts

Your singleness is not a glitch in the system. It’s not a delay in your destiny. It’s not a step down from God’s best.

You are exactly where you’re supposed to be.

In all honesty, I still hope to be married one day. That desire hasn’t changed! Perhaps that is still your desire as well. But in the meantime, I’ve stopped measuring the value of my life by whether or not I wear a ring.

I want to love Jesus more than I love the idea of marriage. And if that’s the only thing singleness gives me—then it’s worth it.

So, if you’re walking through this season and wondering what God is doing, take heart: He hasn’t left you. He is leading you. He’s inviting you to discover a far greater blessing.

This isn’t lost time. This is sacred ground.

God is using your season of singleness.

—

P.S. Bob is the #1 Bestselling Author of Single-Minded: Finding Purpose & Strength in Your Season of Singleness. Click HERE to download his entire audiobook, completely free. We hope you enjoy it!

2 responses to “Finding Strength in a Life You Didn’t Choose: Thoughts from a Single Christian”

Finding Strength in a Life You Didn’t Choose: Thoughts from a Single Christian – The Faith Herald

August 22, 2025 at 11:53 pm

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James Wesley

November 30, 2025 at 8:44 pm

If you’re currently single, is it because God has “chosen” this for you? I’m not so sure about that.
A lot of the time we have the idea that God is a divine Puppetmaster who’s running every aspect of our love lives. If you’re currently single, it’s because God wants it that way, apparently. Does He, though?
I mean, it used to be common for people to marry in their late teens and twenties. Now it’s more the mid-twenties and thirties? Why is that? Does God want us to “wait” more and “test” us more these days. And some Christians aren’t married because they live in parts of the world where there’s not many Christians around, and thus no eligible partners. Is that because of “God’s will” too. In Matthew 19, Jesus talks about single folks (well, eunuchs) and he mentions a few different types. People who choose to live that way, people who were made that way by God, and people who were made that way “by other men.” Meaning that some people, apparently, don’t have a choice in the matter. It’s just how life turned out.
Something that well-meaning people will tell you as a Christian single is that your current situation is “God’s plan” or “where God has you right now.” But just because you’re in a certain situation doesn’t mean that it’s God’s will. What if you’re currently homeless, or being abused, or unemployed? Are those situations “God’s plan” just because they’re currently happening?
Yes, God is good. But we live in a world that is NOT good.
Something that comes to mind is the story of the Garden of Eden. Here, God said it “wasn’t good” for man to be alone, so He made a partner for him. Isn’t that interesting? Marriage happened in the Garden of Eden. While Adam had a perfect, sinless relationship with God. God looked at Adam and said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. You mean even when he was totally with God, Adam still needed someone else? Whoops.
Of course, this was BEFORE sin came along and screwed up the world. We live in a bad world, where bad things happen, and life doesn’t always go our way. I’ve often read that there’s more Christian women in the world than there are men. If that’s broadly accurate, it means not every Christian woman will be able to find a partner. Is that part of “God’s plan”? Or just another unfortunate worldly circumstance?
If you’re a Christian and you’re currently single, is it because God chose that for you? Maybe, but not necessarily.
You also mention that Paul said that singleness is better.
A lot of the time, when you’re single, people tell you to “take advantage” of it because you can apparently “serve more.” You have more “time” to serve.
I think lot of this comes from a certain take on what Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. Paul basically says that an unmarried person is devoted to the Lord and not distracted by the needs of his spouse. This is then interpreted by some to mean that a person can do “more ministry” as a single. I don’t think that’s what Paul says here. I mean, if that’s the case, why are all the pastors and church elders typically married? Did they make a mistake? Is marriage getting in the way of their ministry? What Paul says here, I believe, is that if you AREN’T distracted by the desire for marriage, then MAYBE you have the gift of singleness. And, of course, in English “distracting” has a negative connotation. But Paul’s basic point here seems to be more that marriage divides your attention, rather it being some kind of waste of time.
Yes, Paul said singleness good. But he said other things, too. Even Paul admits that singleness isn’t for everyone. He says that it may be “better” to marry if you “burn with passion.” He also tells unmarried people that it might be better to remain single, but he admits that this is just his own opinion, rather than a “commandment from God” (7:25-34). He also clarifies that he’s recommending singleness because of a certain “distress” that the church in Corinth was dealing with. It also seems like Paul personally believed the End Times were near, which would explain his caution about singles marrying. He also says that an unmarried woman will be happier as a single, but he admits this is just his own opinion. Evidently, many single women are NOT happier being single. If Paul wrote the book of Hebrews, then he also said that marriage was a good thing.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s certainly benefits to being single. Like if you need a period of time to get your life in order, for instance. It’s wise to make yourself into someone that a potential partner will WANT to marry. These things don’t just happen. Still, I’d be careful about the idea that, just because you’re currently single, that this is where God wants you to stay for a while.

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